Friday, March 8, 2013

Exercise Makes Me Cry

All I want to do is stuff my head down in a toilet and vomit my guts out right now, but it won't come. So instead, I'm hot, sweaty, smelly, and have a sticky face from where my tears dried up.

I hate working out more than I hate anything else in this world. It is not fun. It has never felt worth it. It has never not hurt, and I hate being hurt. No pain, no gain is wrong- without the pain of exercise you DO gain... weight. So it sucks. But guess what? I don't like to be in pain. I'm no masochist, which is how I've always felt about people who choose to run. Running is a punishment. Pay to run a marathon? Heck no, you pay ME and MAYBE I'll consider it.

I can't do pogo hops, because I'm way too fat for them, hence why I rolled my ankle tonight trying. I can't do hip lifts because there's way too much stomach for my weak hips to push up. I can't do 15 reps of 1.5 lunges because I'm gagging on my own hatred for it with every bend. So I struggle, I do my best, my reps don't count, I'm getting yelled at, and I stand in my living room, alone, crying, refusing to stop. I'm stubborn, but I hate this. Hate it hate it hate it. And the guy yelling at me is just a video game character!! It's a Nike Kinect game- he isn't real!! But I still feel judged and ugly and repulsed by the digital blob that is me next to him.

Hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate this.

1 comment:

  1. "I hate working out more than I hate anything else in this world. It is not fun. It has never felt worth it. It has never not hurt..."
    Yes. This. I cannot be brainwashed into believing that anything hot, sweaty, and painful that makes you angry and makes you cry is RIGHT.

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