Friday, March 29, 2013

Week Five Weigh-In!

This entire week I've been sick. Probably a cold, possibly a sinus infection but I don't think so. Regardless, I have done nothing this week. I even had a hard time eating all the points I was supposed to, but I had heard that not eating when you're sick, no matter how good that sounds, can actually throw your body off track and slow everything down and cause you to gain weight. Definitely didn't want that. So I struggled to eat each day, figured I lost at least a pound of gunk from my lungs, and did no workout whatsoever. The most I ever moved was shopping at Target or Kroger this week. Those shopping carts can be heavy, man. It's a mom's workout. Or, I can use Lauren Hammond's theory: I breastfeed. There's my workout. It burns calories, so it counts, right?

Speaking of Lauren, I'm so excited that she joined Weight Watchers today! I have an official accountability buddy, and since we both have a weakness for chocolate I think we'll help each other squelch that desire in the name of better health :)

But I digress. It is Friday, which means weigh-in day. Last week I weighed in at 171.2 pounds. This week I weigh in at

171.2
Yeah... I didn't lose anything this week. But on the bright side, I didn't gain anything. I guess I should be thankful that I had a completely sedentary week and didn't set myself back any. I DREAD getting back to my workout game in a couple of days once I'm feeling better because I know I'm going to feel it totally kick my butt again, but it's obviously helping. Whodathunk that eating less and exercising more would lead to weight loss? Seriously, they should like, publish articles about this stuff. Brilliant. :)

What bothers me more about this week is the way I look in this picture. Sure, it's an old t-shirt and it has drool on it. Sure this was taken at night and I look way worse without makeup with a flash than in natural light. But it also just seems like it's time for a change. I've cut my hair for Locks of Love twice before, and I'm ready to do it again. It's spring, I have a child who LOVES to grab whatever he can reach with his hands (which is why I've been sans earrings and necklaces lately) and I'm just not feeling pretty with long hair right now. If I feel cute then I'll have more desire to continue to try and make my whole overall appearance better. So, time to say goodbye. A good 10 inches may be gone by the next time you see me.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Sick.

Sick
by Shel Silverstein

"I cannot go to school today,"
Said little Peggy Ann McKay.
"I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash and purple bumps.
My mouth is wet, my throat is dry,
I'm going blind in my right eye.
My tonsils are as big as rocks,
I've counted sixteen chicken pox
And there's one more - that's seventeen,
And don't you think my face looks green?
My leg is cut, my eyes are blue -
It might be instamatic flu.
I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
I'm sure that my left leg is broke -
My hip hurts when I move my chin,
My belly button's caving in,
My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained,
My 'pendix pains each time it rains.
My nose is cold, my toes are numb,
I have a sliver in my thumb.
My neck is stiff, my spine is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
My tongue is filling up my mouth,
I think my hair is falling out.
My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight,
My temperature is one-o-eight.
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,
There is a hole inside my ear.
I have a hangnail, and my heart is -
what? What's that? What's that you say?
You say today is ... Saturday?
G'bye, I'm going out to play!"

Just a good excuse for a Shel Silverstein poem, and my favorite one at that. But really, I am a bit sick. Brandon got sick two weekends ago while we were in Dallas and passed it along. Just a cold, but a really annoying one. And it's caused me to realize something I never knew before: I thought I could not want to work out less than I did when I first started, but I was wrong. Right NOW I want to work out less than ever before. Trying to exercise when you are sick is pointless stupid. When I can't tell if my muscles are aching due to planking or having the flu I think it's best to just pack it up and chill for a few days. OF COURSE this would be the week that I am doing my ActiveLink assessment.

ActiveLink is a part of WW that you pay $5 more a month for and it makes all the guess-work about how many activity points you've earned go away. It's a monitor that you wear attached to your clothes or on a necklace or belt and it reads your movement... not just your steps like a pedometer, but your movement up and down, front and back and side to side. So basically all the activity I do all day, it is measuring. Anything that I do beyond my base line (determined by my age, weight and gender) earn me activity points that I can swap for extra food while still staying on track with my weight loss goal. Whoo-hoo! Too bad this week of sickness is going to make me look like a sedentary slob... which, let's face it, isn't too far from the truth. If anything, this is a blessing that will ease me into my 12-week activity challenge once my assessment is finished.

On a slightly different subject, I am calling it right now: I will be under 170 pounds at my next weigh-in. I WILL have lost a total of 10+ pounds. How can I be so sure? Because I got dressed yesterday and was shocked to see that it looked like a layer of tummy had vanished.

*jaw drop*

Fur-rill. I know it didn't happen overnight and that in actuality I've been losing it little by little by little over the past 5 weeks, but I just LOVE those moments when I see what others are seeing. And if I feel like I look good when losing 9.8 pounds, just THINK how ecstatic I'm going to be when I've lost all 50! EEEEEEK :D

But I've got to stop being sick. Even if today was Saturday, I would not go out to play. Or work out. Or do anything. I had to go to Target yesterday, because as I told Wendi, when you're out of milk, bread and medicine, you have no choice but to shop. Now all I want to do is sleep. So don't judge me if you stop by my house and find us in the middle of a Toy Story marathon all in our pj's. It's that kind of week.

Sick

  by Shel Silverstein
"I cannot go to school today,"
Said little Peggy Ann McKay.
"I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash and purple bumps.
My mouth is wet, my throat is dry,
I'm going blind in my right eye.
My tonsils are as big as rocks,
I've counted sixteen chicken pox
And there's one more--that's seventeen,
And don't you think my face looks green?
My leg is cut--my eyes are blue--
It might be instamatic flu.
I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
I'm sure that my left leg is broke--
My hip hurts when I move my chin,
My belly button's caving in,
My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained,
My 'pendix pains each time it rains.
My nose is cold, my toes are numb.
I have a sliver in my thumb.
My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
My tongue is filling up my mouth,
I think my hair is falling out.
My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight,
My temperature is one-o-eight.
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,
There is a hole inside my ear.
I have a hangnail, and my heart is--what?
What's that? What's that you say?
You say today is. . .Saturday?
G'bye, I'm going out to play!"
- See more at: http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/16480#sthash.JZhePFbH.dpuf

Sick

  by Shel Silverstein
"I cannot go to school today,"
Said little Peggy Ann McKay.
"I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash and purple bumps.
My mouth is wet, my throat is dry,
I'm going blind in my right eye.
My tonsils are as big as rocks,
I've counted sixteen chicken pox
And there's one more--that's seventeen,
And don't you think my face looks green?
My leg is cut--my eyes are blue--
It might be instamatic flu.
I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
I'm sure that my left leg is broke--
My hip hurts when I move my chin,
My belly button's caving in,
My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained,
My 'pendix pains each time it rains.
My nose is cold, my toes are numb.
I have a sliver in my thumb.
My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
My tongue is filling up my mouth,
I think my hair is falling out.
My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight,
My temperature is one-o-eight.
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,
There is a hole inside my ear.
I have a hangnail, and my heart is--what?
What's that? What's that you say?
You say today is. . .Saturday?
G'bye, I'm going out to play!"
- See more at: http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/16480#sthash.JZhePFbH.dpuf

Sick

  by Shel Silverstein
"I cannot go to school today,"
Said little Peggy Ann McKay.
"I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash and purple bumps.
My mouth is wet, my throat is dry,
I'm going blind in my right eye.
My tonsils are as big as rocks,
I've counted sixteen chicken pox
And there's one more--that's seventeen,
And don't you think my face looks green?
My leg is cut--my eyes are blue--
It might be instamatic flu.
I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
I'm sure that my left leg is broke--
My hip hurts when I move my chin,
My belly button's caving in,
My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained,
My 'pendix pains each time it rains.
My nose is cold, my toes are numb.
I have a sliver in my thumb.
My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
My tongue is filling up my mouth,
I think my hair is falling out.
My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight,
My temperature is one-o-eight.
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,
There is a hole inside my ear.
I have a hangnail, and my heart is--what?
What's that? What's that you say?
You say today is. . .Saturday?
G'bye, I'm going out to play!"
- See more at: http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/16480#sthash.JZhePFbH.dpuf

Sick

  by Shel Silverstein
"I cannot go to school today,"
Said little Peggy Ann McKay.
"I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash and purple bumps.
My mouth is wet, my throat is dry,
I'm going blind in my right eye.
My tonsils are as big as rocks,
I've counted sixteen chicken pox
And there's one more--that's seventeen,
And don't you think my face looks green?
My leg is cut--my eyes are blue--
It might be instamatic flu.
I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
I'm sure that my left leg is broke--
My hip hurts when I move my chin,
My belly button's caving in,
My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained,
My 'pendix pains each time it rains.
My nose is cold, my toes are numb.
I have a sliver in my thumb.
My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
My tongue is filling up my mouth,
I think my hair is falling out.
My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight,
My temperature is one-o-eight.
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,
There is a hole inside my ear.
I have a hangnail, and my heart is--what?
What's that? What's that you say?
You say today is. . .Saturday?
G'bye, I'm going out to play!"
- See more at: http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/16480#sthash.JZhePFbH.dpuf

Friday, March 22, 2013

Week Four Weigh-In!

I was not looking forward to weighing in today. I had used all my weekly WW points and even a couple of my activity points (extra points I can exchange for food if I want based on how much I work out). I was worried. I told Brandon I would be shocked if I lost more than 1/2 a pound. But there was no reason to be. Last week I weighed 173 and this week I weigh

171.2!

for a weekly loss of 1.8 pounds! I am truly a believer in Weight Watchers at this point. I had pizza, Hawaiian Stack and GOLDEN CHICK all this weekend while in Dallas, and just by also eating more fruits and vegetables and controlling my portions, I lost more weight than I had in each of the past two weeks. This is an incredible system. I eat three meals, I eat snacks, I eat chocolate. I do not feel like I'm dieting. I hardly ever feel hungry. I'm still getting enough nutrients because I am making plenty of milk to feed Peyton with, and he's still growing. I am in awe of how easy this is and how much it is working. Yes, I am also working out, but it's just 20-30 minutes a day, 3 days a week, moderate to high intensity depending on whether it's cardio or strength day on my Kinect game. Seriously, I am giddy over how awesome Weight Watchers is. There really is no better way to lose weight because they guide you along the way, challenge you with different routines and advise you when necessary. For instance, today when I weighed in I read a message that said even though I was probably excited about losing weight, I am losing it too fast. I looked closer and realized it was basing this on a 4-week average. In a normal 4-week period I shouldn't be losing more than 8 lbs, because that's 2 per week. I have lost 9.8 lbs in this 4-week period. However, since I lost 6 my first week (slightly better than normal loss for a first week of dieting), my 4-week average looks off. I'm not really losing too much too fast, because my other weeks have been -.8, -1.2 and -1.8.

I don't feel like I look any better, but I can successfully pull on and off the pants I own without unbuttoning or unzipping them. Also, I don't own any belts, so this is slightly problematic. They are seriously falling off me. I'm not eager to go out and buy clothes though, because I still have a long way to go before I reach my goal weight. So I guess I'll splurge on some cute belts in the meantime. That, and wear dresses and skirts more.

Though I may not feel like I look different, I've had multiple people tell me that I do, especially in my face. That makes me very happy, because chubby cheeks are only cute if you are under 2 years old.

I hit a new milestone today. I have officially lost 5% of my original weight. Pretty cool. And another reason why I love WW- I'm seeing it bit by bit and cheering myself on based on this week's achievement, not whining about how long it'll take me to lose another 41 lbs.

I've mentioned before how thankful I am for the supportive friends I have. I've also written about Brandon trying to support me as I work out, since it's something very much a part of his life, being an athlete since birth, and not something I like whatsoever. One person I have yet to write about in relation to losing weight is Brooklyn. Yesterday right in the middle of my Kinect Nike Training game, Brooklyn woke up from her nap and started knocking on the door for me to let her out, so I did. I wasn't going to stop working out, so I told her she could play with her toys or "read" while I finished, but she decided she was going to exercise with me instead. She tried so hard to copy each move I made. When I got down on the floor to do hip lifts, she laid down right next to me with one leg in the air too. When I stretched, she stretched. When I jumped, she jumped. When I started breathing hard, she started breathing hard, and then patted my arm and told me it was okay. What a sweet, gentle spirited child I have. She even cheered for me when I was all done and quietly played games on the iPad while I took a shower. Some days I wonder: could she be any easier to take care of?

Life is pretty good. I'm still trying to eat fruit and/or vegetables with every meal. I'm also now trying to plan my meals so I can know ahead of time each day how many points I will be eating so I can budget my snack points better. Also, in addition to working out 3x a week, I'm trying to find a way to be active the other 4 days too, even if it's something simple like going for a walk. Does walking up and down the living room with a crying baby count as exercise? Because surely I've got at least a mile under my belt today alone... sleep training troubles. But I'll save that for another day.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Vomit.

Well if that title doesn't make you eager to read on then I don't know what to tell ya!

I was SO excited that I worked out on Friday and didn't feel like I was going to die that I was almost looking forward to exercising on my next planned day, Monday. Of course we got back from Dallas/College Station around 9 PM so once Peyton was fed and he and Brooklyn were both in bed, the luggage was brought in and all I wanted to do was sleep. One more day off won't hurt, right?

Wrong.

I just finished a 23 minute workout... I just finished vomiting four times after a 23 minute workout. That's an average of 1 vomit per every 5.75 minutes. I even hurled after the cool down. How sad/sick is that? Not to mention Brandon had just gotten home from his baseball game when I started exercising, so when he tried to encourage me I just yelled at him. I know he means well, but I know I look pathetic and I feel ridiculous when I try to do some of these seemingly impossible moves (Star Jump Combo? Really? Is there any easier way to look like an overgrown 3 year old? My vertical is like 11 inches, so I look absurd). It just felt patronizing. So after a scowl and a few choice words I went about my business, yelling commands at the Kinect and skipping the rest periods so I could just get it over with. And I SWEAR if I hear Alex tell me ONE MORE TIME that I have trouble with jumping jacks I'm going to throw my shoes (that I now wear) at the TV.

Here's another fun add-on from exercise: I've got two pimples. Big ugly ones. Didn't have those before I started sweating to the oldies each day. So now I feel uncoordinated AND ugly. Oh, and still fat.

And I'm trying hard not to be angry, because we talked about how self-esteem is really of little importance today in Ladies' Bible Study. What matters is God-esteem, and how does God see us? Always in a positive light. God looks at the heart, he doesn't judge by external appearance. We need to feel God's acceptance which then leads to acceptance of ourselves. So now there's yet another thing to add to my to-do list, which is remember that how I feel really doesn't matter if it's not in accordance with how God feels about me. I've got to shut out all the demons and negativity and just do and be my best.

I also have one more thing to add to my to-do-in-Heaven list:
1. Punch Eve.
2. Ask God what the purpose of
  • mosquitoes
  • tonsils
  • appendix
are.
And the new one: 3. Why did cardio have to be the way to lose fat? Can't ONE thing in life be easy? No? Okay.

*pout*

Motivation

I'm thankful for many things, but today I want to say thank you to all the friends and family I saw today and this weekend, and specifically for the encouragement that I received about losing weight. People told me they were inspired by my writing, which seems pretty shocking because it's not that great... though it does make me feel a little more at ease with my English certification test that I'll be taking next month! People said they could tell I was losing weight, that I looked great, and that they were proud of me.

Man, if there was ever more motivation to keep it up, I haven't found it. Thanks for all the kind words. There will be times I won't want to talk about what's going on, I won't want to post pictures of what I look like, I will go off the wagon and have a total pig out day that wipes away a week's worth of exercise and I'll be really embarrassed, but thanks to all my friends I know I'll be asked about it and will be held accountable.

In other news, I need a belt because none of my pants fit :)

Friday, March 15, 2013

Week Three Weigh-In!

Today's the day! Friday is here, which means it's time to weigh in. I was a little nervous about this today because I didn't feel like I looked any better, and I didn't really feel any better. BUT, my pants are all fitting a lot looser. Even my workout shorts were trying to fall off on Wednesday, so I thought, maybe I am doing something right.

Last week I weighed in at 174.2, and today...

173!
That makes a total loss for this week at 1.2 pounds, and a grand total over the past three weeks of 8 pounds. I'm pretty happy about this, especially considering these facts I've learned this week:
  • A healthy rate of weight loss is 1-2 pounds per week, but a nursing mom will generally lose slower than this.
  • When beginning a workout program many people gain weight in the beginning due to extra water in your cells and because muscle weighs more than fat. 
When I look at this picture and say "yuck" at the spare tire sitting on my hips, I try to remind myself of these two facts. This IS working. And it isn't THAT hard. It's just slow, and I want it to happen faster. If I only lose 1 pound a week each week, I won't hit my goal weight of 130 until Peyton's 1st birthday. Even if I lose 2 pounds a week, that's still mid-August. It seems so far away, which I know is why we aren't supposed to look at the big picture. It's a daunting, impossible task if I try to look at losing 43 more pounds. It's only positive and helpful to think about losing that 1-2 pounds this week, though my patience is wearing thin. Haha, thin. Punny.

I may not like the extra baby weight still hanging around, but I do like that I lost an inch off my waist this week. I've definitely got a waist. Just too many curves below it.

I'm trying to forgive a few things, because I'm being too hard on myself. I mean,  I haven't really exercised since college. And I did have a baby 2 months ago. I can't expect my body to magically become what I want it to. This week, in addition to continuing to eat more fruit and vegetables, my new goal is to be patient: to not cheat and measure or weigh myself during the week, to stay calm and just let this weight loss happen. If I gain weight one week, it's not the end of the world, it just means I have to re-evaluate. If I only lose .2 pounds, I can't lose hope, because every loss is really a gain. If I lose 5 pounds, I can't celebrate because I'm probably not being healthy enough. Balance, control and patience. Three things I am not good at. But we'll see.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

No Shoes, No Service

I completed one week of my Nike Kinect Training workout and started week two today. My fifth workout altogether, counting my assessment I did at the beginning to determine how sadly out of shape I am. This week is spring break, so Brandon is home. I made him go into our bedroom on Monday while I worked out. He offered to work out with me, but I was too embarrassed. I was determined to work out though. I'm stubborn.

No, I'm persistent. This isn't a new word for me, but as I was doing some paperwork the other day I realized that stubbornness is looked down upon, while persistence is praised and valued. So I'm persistent. And spunky, which is where being stubborn and persistent meets fun :)

Tonight I told Brandon I wasn't going to kick him out of the room, and that he could even watch and laugh at me if he wanted to. He said he wouldn't laugh. I said he might. He said he wouldn't.

First thing my personal trainer said was something about how I've had trouble with jumping jacks in the past. I said, "Whatever. Who has trouble with jumping jacks, Alex?" And Brandon laughed. I told him he would. He claims he was laughing at me interacting with a computer. This could be. It is a little silly to talk back to someone who doesn't exist.

He was very sympathetic with me when I told him afterwards about how my ankles are killing me. I've just got too much weight for my little ankles to support. And I'm wearing a good sports bra, but my back feels like it's going to break. How do big breasted women work out? HOW do you run without feeling like there's something large tugging on the front of you?

Well, the second question he didn't know much about, but he did answer my first question, albeit inadvertently. I mentioned, after my workout, that everything I was trying to do would be so easy for him, and that it would be interesting for him to do the assessment I did. He agreed, and went to the closet. Why? To put on socks and tennis shoes.

*face palm*

Why didn't I think of that?

Why didn't he think of that?

Yes friends, I had been working out barefoot. This could IS why I kept buckling when I tried to hop or put any kind of weight and pressure on my ankles.

"Oh yeah," he says, "Most people work out with ankle braces too. That will definitely help."

I feel like a moron, but he didn't notice it either until it was his turn to try. I guess just because I exercise on carpet in my living room doesn't mean I can be lax enough to, you know, not wear shoes.

I'm dumb. I look forward to wearing shoes on Friday.

Monday, March 11, 2013

Sleep Deprivation

Discovery Health cites these top 10 signs of sleep deprivation:

10. Inability to handle stress
9. Poor memory
8. Inability to concentrate
7. Increased appetite
6. Vision problems
5. Poor decision-making
4. Diminished motor skills
3. Relationship troubles
2. Medical problems
1. Mood swings

Lauren Blanks came over yesterday to let me try some of her Weight Watcher favorite foods, and we talked about how one of the things we just can't do to help ourselves lose weight and get healthier is sleep right. She has a monitor that tells her how efficient her sleep is, so it can tell when she's sitting in bed reading, when Brady moved in the bed, when Audrey lost her pacifier, etc.

By definition, moms don't sleep. Which is why we have all of the above 10 signs of sleep deprivation. But there is one I have noticed that, for me, may be more prominent than all the rest, and it wasn't even listed: whacked out dreams. Last night...

I really wanted Wendy's, so I went to the drive thru, only to have the cashier continually ring my order up wrong and keep charging me for crackers, which I didn't order. Maybe it had to do with my car, because then I stole James Franco's truck and almost ran over Tresa Davis. I was speeding over to show choir rehearsal and burst through the door, only to find I was at Nealon Jeffers' house and he wondered why on Earth I was there. Good question: I thought the high school show choir I help with was meeting here today, but I guess not. Silly me. So I'm trying to figure out where show choir was being held, and Wendi Holmes and Lauren Blanks call me to tell me that it starts at five and I'm almost late and I'm going to miss solo tryouts. I say I'm coming and bringing both Anna Schneider and Taylor Clements (two show choir girls who also mistook Nealon's house for our practice space) with me. The leave without me and I stop at Target on the way because Kirby and I have to find our mom. Then all of a sudden Kirby is 4 years old again and he has run away from me in the store and I'm now searching for him and my mom. I find my mom and get yelled at for losing my brother. I find him curled up in a ball by the fitting rooms and we head back into James Franco's truck and try to make it to rehearsal on time to no avail. It's already 5:15 when we leave Target and I'm going to be in trouble with Rodney Bell, our choir director. Luckily I woke up before I got scolded for not being responsible and not getting to my job on time.

In reality, I was just dreaming this while I slept sitting up with Peyton in my arms from about 7-8 this morning, after also being awake with him at midnight, 2:30 and 6.

I may have to write Discovery Health and let them know that detailed dreams that make no sense has got to be their new number one sign of sleep deprivation.

Dude... where's my truck?

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Peyton at Two Months

My baby boy is two months old already. It's bittersweet knowing this is the last time I'm going through this baby process. The thing I look forward to least is when he stops sleeping in my arms. I love holding my baby when he naps, though I don't get to do it much. I try to savor it when I can.

I'm trying my best to remember the little things about him at each stage of his young life, but it's hard. I try to remember when Brooklyn did certain things that he's starting to do and I can't remember, so I'm writing a few things down.

At two months old,

Peyton loves:
  • getting his diaper changed
  • being naked
  • getting a bath
  • being held
  • to snuggle 
  • cooing at us when we get close to his face and talk to him
  • smiling
  • his Winnie the Pooh mobile
  • Brooklyn
  • Mommy
  • Daddy

Peyton hates:
  • being put down right after he's been picked up
  • his carseat
  • lotion
  • being hot 
  • his swing. Seriously, what kid hates a swing?
  • his crib. He has a much stronger preference for the pack and play.
  • being confused for a girl. SERIOUSLY, people. Peyton Manning. He's a man. It's in his name. Why are there women out there naming their little girls Peyton? It's weird. It's a boy's name. It's only a girl's name as much as Ashley is a boy's name, and we all make fun of him in Gone With the Wind for it. And yet both nurses at Peyton's two month check up asked about "her".  *sigh*... Brooklyn had no hair and got called a boy. Your name is Peyton and you're being called a girl. I guess we fail as parents. (In all honesty, this last bullet point bothers me more than it bothers him at this point in life, if you hadn't guessed).

He weighed in at 12 lbs 3 oz and 24 1/4 inches long at his appointment yesterday. 50th percentile for weight and 85th percentile for height. And my goodness do I love every ounce and inch of him. I mean look at this face... how could you not?


Friday, March 8, 2013

Exercise Makes Me Cry

All I want to do is stuff my head down in a toilet and vomit my guts out right now, but it won't come. So instead, I'm hot, sweaty, smelly, and have a sticky face from where my tears dried up.

I hate working out more than I hate anything else in this world. It is not fun. It has never felt worth it. It has never not hurt, and I hate being hurt. No pain, no gain is wrong- without the pain of exercise you DO gain... weight. So it sucks. But guess what? I don't like to be in pain. I'm no masochist, which is how I've always felt about people who choose to run. Running is a punishment. Pay to run a marathon? Heck no, you pay ME and MAYBE I'll consider it.

I can't do pogo hops, because I'm way too fat for them, hence why I rolled my ankle tonight trying. I can't do hip lifts because there's way too much stomach for my weak hips to push up. I can't do 15 reps of 1.5 lunges because I'm gagging on my own hatred for it with every bend. So I struggle, I do my best, my reps don't count, I'm getting yelled at, and I stand in my living room, alone, crying, refusing to stop. I'm stubborn, but I hate this. Hate it hate it hate it. And the guy yelling at me is just a video game character!! It's a Nike Kinect game- he isn't real!! But I still feel judged and ugly and repulsed by the digital blob that is me next to him.

Hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate this.

Week Two Weigh-In!

Well, today is Friday, which means it's the second weigh in for me. I was a little nervous because I splurged this week and used up all my weekly points too. But, I did work out twice, which is infinitely more than I work out in a normal week, so I did have that going for me. Last week I weighed in at 175, and today...

174.2
The first time I weighed myself I had gained almost a pound, so after fighting back tears I tried again and this time it consistently read 174.2 for a weight loss of .8 pounds. Better, but not great. My favorite measurement of the day is my arms, which I've lost 1.5 inches on in these two weeks. No one wants the fat arm for pictures, right ladies?

This week the goal is to splurge less, eat more fruits and vegetables and continue working out.

PS- forgive that every week's weigh-in shot also includes this poster of Cathy Rigby as Peter Pan. She's not there for tiny inspiration, she's there because there is a perfect self-timer-appropriate shelf right across from her.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Guest Post by Heather Von St. James


So get this: today's post is by a guest blogger. You read right! I have someone who requested to write on my blog to share her story. Pretty cool, since I didn't even know her before we started talking about this, and somehow she found my blog and thought this would be a great place to talk about the struggles she has survived. I feel like I have fans... which is pretty sweet. So without further ado, please enjoy Heather Von St. James' story of cancer survival, which will hopefully shed some light on a very preventable danger.


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My Cancer Journey: New Motherhood and Recovery

There can be a time in everyone's life when everything drastically changes, and everything you thought you had comes to a tumbling halt. I finally understood what it meant to have a family. I finally confronted all of my feelings and fears. I went from the epitome of happiness to the lowest lows of sadness. I was the happiest I had ever been when I gave birth to a healthy, beautiful baby on August 4th, 2005. My husband and I named her Lily. This was the best moment of my life, and I had no idea that just a short three months later, I would experience the worst.

I went back to my job full-time one month after delivering Lily. It was important to me that I got back to normal and into my new routine as a mommy. I started feeling tired and weak all the time. I was exhausted. I didn't have any energy for anything. All of these things could easily have been directly related to the fact that I was a new mother, but I knew it was something more than that. I also began losing weight at an alarming rate of about 7 pounds a week. I just didn't feel right. I knew that I needed to see a doctor.

We figured that the doctor would discover a simple issue with an even simpler solution. Unfortunately, after running a few tests, I found out some terrible news. I went to the doctor with my husband three and a half months after the birth of Lily, where I learned that I had malignant pleural mesothelioma. It is a rare but deadly cancer that spreads through the lining of your lungs and is directly related to asbestos exposure. I was unknowingly exposed when I was a little girl. Unless I treated it aggressively, my prognosis wasn't good. If left untreated, I only had 15 months left to live. We decided that I needed to see a specialist, someone who had helped many patients to a healthy recovery after being diagnosed with mesothelioma.

There was a specialist in Boston. He was helpful to understand more about the disease and why I needed surgery. On February 2, 2006 I underwent an extrapleural pneumonectomy. It was a major procedure. It removed one of my lungs, part of my heart lining, chest lining and diaphragm. After surgery I spent 18 days in the hospital followed by another 2 months of recovery before going straight into chemotherapy and radiation. It was the hardest time of my life. It was so difficult to be away from Lily and my husband. I felt as if I was missing everything. However, even at the worst times, I found some happiness.

My family really supported us throughout this ordeal. They provided a constant place for Lily and I to live while I recuperated from my treatment. Our friends also came through for us. I realized that I had such a bigger family than I could have ever wished for. Years later, I have a happy, healthy family and I couldn't be more thankful to have those people who were there for my family and I during our time of need. I will be forever appreciative of their efforts when I didn't see any joy. I got my strength back because of these wonderful people.


If you are interested in reading more about Heather's progress, please visit her blog.

Join us next week when our host is Bradley Cooper with musical guest Mumford and Sons.

I can dream, can't I? :)

Friday, March 1, 2013

Week One Weigh-In!

Well, I've been on Weight Watchers for 1 week, so I had my first weigh-in today. I started out last week at 181 pounds, and today...

     
175 pounds on 3/1/13

I've lost 6 pounds! Too bad that won't happen every week. I have heard that you lose more at the beginning, but how long is "the beginning"? Should I expect another big weight loss week like this next week, or have I hit my 2-pounds-a-week-is-healthy stage?

I've also either lost 4 inches on my waist and at least 1 inch everywhere else or I suck at measuring. My tape measure skills are a little more subjective than the scale, so I won't bet on that one.

This was an important milestone for me, because 175 was my starting weight at the beginning of my pregnancy with Peyton. This was the first place I wanted to get to, and I'm already here! My next mini-goal is to get back down to 150, which is my pre-Brooklyn-pregnancy weight. Let's go! I'm excited!