In recent years I would have switched the order of all these feelings; I would let my negative emotions overpower anything beneficial or positive and cry pessimism. When Brandon and I first started dating in 2005 I was a cynical, rude, angry person and he helped me make some big changes.
First of all, he bought me flowers. A dozen red roses that he gave me along with a rewrite of Kelly Clarkson's "Breakaway" entitled "Stay Always". We had only been together one month but we both knew this was it. I had told every other boyfriend not to buy me flowers, and save for one time as an apology, every other boyfriend had easily agreed. Less money for them, right? I said I didn't care about chivalry or girly things and high school boys said shoot- sounds good. Brandon said whatever, I know you better than you know yourself.
I love flowers. LOVE them. And I didn't know it, but Brandon did. He wanted to do something sweet to break my shell and he did.
Am I still a stubborn, cynical jerk sometimes? Of course. But I'm not continually angry with the world and everyone in it anymore. Because of Brandon's help I was able to become a little more vulnerable and allow myself happiness without strings attached. It's because of him that I can see the good in this past week rather than the bad.
Our house still hasn't closed, and we may have to pay up to $4200 more in closing costs than originally stated. Rules with short sales and how contracts basically don't matter and long story short, it's a very expensive and frustrating situation. We can't use our car/renter's insurance agency for our house because of restrictions within Fort Bend County, and Brandon's school district is not going to hire the extra history teachers they said they would, which makes his job much harder.
And yet tonight I'm just happy. Why? It's football season. I got to go to the Alabama game last night. They played someone... I can't remember, some big school who was supposedly good, but I didn't see it... seriously, HOW FUN. Cowboys Stadium is not as impressive as everyone says (service, food, parking all SUCK) but I can't get enough of Bama football. I had a great time with my brother in law, my grandaddy and my dad, despite traffic, bad food and "drunk high-five guy" (video to follow at some point, I promise). Grandmother and Grandaddy are visiting from Alabama so we've gotten to spend time with them. Brooklyn has been SO sweet with all the family she has seen. I can feel baby Peyton moving around. Brooklyn told me tonight she would help with the baby and then said "I love you" to my belly without me asking. Papa has recovered so well from his stroke and I love seeing Mama and Papa living here with Brandon's parents. I got to go to church today and worship and had a really great time remembering to always be in AWE of what it means that Jesus is divine and the Bible is real. I got a 3-hour nap today. My life is good.
Even the fact that my paragraph about my blessings is three times as big as my problems shows how much my attitude has changed over time.
And my silly husband is on the other side of the living room, checking baseball stats on the computer while he chats about fantasy football on the phone and watches the US Open on TV. He's a mess. But he's so darn cute. And he bought me flowers, and it has apparently made all the difference.