Thursday, May 3, 2012

Robert De Niño

I've been watching a lot of Saturday Night Live recently. It's become a favorite afternoon activity to watch reruns from the 1970's on Netflix while Brooklyn naps. Too bad I'm on Season 5 already, which means Aykroyd and Belushi are already gone and Eddie Murphy is about to join the cast. Uggh (see previous posts about why Eddie Murphy is not funny for full understanding about my distress).

Perhaps it's the overload of sketch comedy that has given me such imagination lately. Or maybe it's the signs in Rosenberg for the law services of Robert Niño. Most likely it's a combination of the two.

I think it would be hilarious for there to be a short film or series of sketches for a comedy show like SNL about Robert De Niño, who, as you can guess, is just a 6-year-old Hispanic version of the rough and tough New York actor Robert De Niro, known from such classic films as Godfather Part II, Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, Heat, Goodfellas and Meet the Parents.

Who wouldn't want to see a 1st grader ask Ben Stiller, "I have nipples Greg. Can you milk me?" or confront his stuffed animals with a "You talkin' to me?" or even the following scene:

Mom: Robert, honey, eat your vegetables.
Robert De Niño: Ma, I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse. I'm practically a man. I'm 6 years old already. I'mma give my vegetables to my kid brother so he can keep growing strong. I'm willing to make that sacrifice. All I need in return is the dessert that he's gonna be too full to eat. Take it or leave it.

Shrewd negotiator, that Robert De Niño.

Sure, lots of people might get offended at seeing an elementary schooler bashing in people's heads with baseball bats. Maybe it might be a tad inappropriate to allow him to mastermind a heist. And it wouldn't make a ton of sense to have him being younger than the prostitute he'd be helping out (If you're not following me, please borrow some De Niro films ASAP).

All that aside, I think it'd be fairly clever. Especially if he could have a sidekick... maybe Al Pacifino? No? Too much of a stretch? It's tough being a writer...

Robert De Niro
Robert De Niño

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