Tuesday, October 4, 2011

October 30th, 1987

When Brooklyn turned 9 months old, I felt a sigh of relief. 9 months was the first milestone I longed to reach with Brooklyn, not for her sake, but for mine.  I feared having children too close together and had it my mind that as long as my children were at least 18 months apart, I would be fine. Once Brooklyn hit the 9 month marker I said to myself, "We're not planning on another one yet, but if we get a surprise, I can handle it". Before that, I had an unspoken fear of getting pregnant again too quickly.

If I'm not mistaken in my history, October 30th, 1987 was the day Brandon was diagnosed with ALL- acute lymphoblastic Leukemia. That was the day after his first birthday. What a horrible birthday present, right? I'm a little superstitious even though I know there's no logical reason to be, but the day after Brooklyn's first birthday has been another day I'd been afraid of in my mind. Once she turned 9 months old, the next fearful milestone I looked towards was October 4th, 2011. That day is today.

Brandon when he had cancer as a child

This past Thursday I flew to Charlotte, North Carolina for my cousin Grant's wedding.  Friday morning Brandon called me to say Brooklyn had a fever. No problem, I said, just give her some Tylenol if it reaches 101 and call a doctor if that doesn't help. He said, "Her tongue looks like it has all these white bumps or sores all over it". Ok... call the doctor. Doctor says it sounds like thrush and prescribes an anti-thrush numbing medication. Fever continues to go up. Varies between 101 an 104. It's not until I come home to Houston Saturday night that I realize how bad Brooklyn has actually been- completely lethargic, not moving, not sitting up or walking or crawling or anything, not eating or drinking, whining and crying all day, taking cold washcloth baths every few hours to try and keep her temperature down. Brandon hid how worried about her he really was to try and allow me to enjoy my weekend with my cousins.

I took Brooklyn to the doctor yesterday and he noticed there were no sores in her mouth. None. The whiteness on her tongue is because she's not drinking much of anything. They pricked her finger and took some urine. Said she had traces of blood in her urine and her white blood cell count is high so they gave her an antibiotic shot and said she should start acting like she feels better right away. Didn't happen. Instead, she slept nearly every minute from 1 PM yesterday when we got home from the doctor until 9:30 AM today when we woke up late for our next appointment.

I didn't want to go back to the doctor today. I was alright with going on her birthday, and I'd be fine with going two days after, but I didn't want to go today. Not the day after her first birthday. Not October 4th, 2011. Not her equivalent to her daddy's October 30th, 1987. This is the sickest she's ever been. She's completely not herself and guess what? Cancer runs in the family. Not mine, but hers now. I cried and cried to Brandon last night sharing my fears about this day.

My sweet, sick girl on Sunday

He said, "But look at me. I'm here. And she's got half of me in her, so she's a strong girl."

Hm. Smart guy.

Brooklyn had shown some improvement at the doctor today (Yes, I went, despite my superstitious fears). Her white blood cell count and fever are still high, but lower than yesterday. Another antibiotic shot today. The thought is that she has a bacterial infection in her blood, which is much more common than I thought. We go back in tomorrow for round 3 of shots and hopefully she will be alright.

So... my daughter did not get diagnosed with Leukemia today. It's really ridiculous that I've thought for... the past year or so that she would, but I did. I've been afraid of this day for absolutely no reason since before she was born, and now it's passed. I feel like whatever happens now, whatever her ultimate diagnosis is, it doesn't matter: we got through this day. Today is a good day.

2 comments:

  1. So glad you're passed the worry. God is in control and I'll be praying that your sweet girl gets back to normal health soon! No fun with a sick kid.

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  2. Wow I had no idea (not that I would) that Brandon had cancer as a young child. How scary. Proud of you for giving God ultimate control of your precious child and laying your fears at his feet. Easier said than done I know. You are a great mom!

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