Monday, October 10, 2011

El Nachito Ice Cream

 At the corner of Hwy 59 and Hwy 36 there is a banner tied to two streetlamps advertising a new store opening up in the shopping center: El Nachito Ice Cream. It already doesn't sound appetizing, but the picture does it no favors. On the banner there is a large animated corn tortilla chip holding what looks like a bowl of nacho cheese in an ice cream sundae bowl. I can't imagine anything more disgusting than this. Is it ice cream flavored nachos or nacho flavored ice cream? Either way, it sounds like diarrhea waiting to happen.

Sometimes people just don't seem to think about what they're going to call their business, or, like these poor folks, don't think about the correct amount of spacing between their words...

Photo found at filehurricane.com
or the font they're using...
Photo found at funnymos.com
Sometimes it's a cultural or linguistic problem...
Photo by Tracey Strother (this place is off Route 66 in either California or Arizona, I can't remember which)
It sure seems like "El Nachito Ice Cream" falls into this last category. I guess the proprietor thought an adorable triangular chip with bulging eyes and a side to side (can't really say "ear to ear", can I?) grin would bring in business. However, I find it terribly repulsive and have to fight my gag reflex every time I'm sitting at that light.

Granted, this is coming from an admittedly picky eater. I still call my mom when I learn to eat a new food to brag and see if she's proud of me. I think the last time it was either shrimp or asparagus. However, despite the fact that the majority of my childhood meals consisted of items like cheerios, chicken fingers or hot dogs, I did find myself becoming an experimental chef at an early age. Some of my personalized delicacies included the Snack Skewer, Chocolate Soup and BLK's. Here, for your enjoyment are my recipes for these delectable delights (feel free to copy them down or print them out for your own cookbooks):

Snack Skewer

Ingredients:
4 large marshmallows
Smooth peanut butter
Regular M&M's
5 thin pretzel sticks

On each of the flat ends of the marshmallows, spread smooth peanut butter. Then connect each of the peanut buttery marshmallows with an edible homemade skewer (the pretzel sticks). Finally, place 4 plain M&M's onto the peanut butter side of each marshmallow and eat.

Definitely a favorite snack growing up. I thought I was really cool for inventing it. I should have my own show on Food Network if you ask me, but nobody asked me.

Chocolate Soup

Ingredients:
Chocolate ice cream
That's it.

What made this Chocolate Soup instead of regular chocolate ice cream was how I mixed it. And this was serious business growing up, too. Why take a bite out of ice cream? No, cold hurt my teeth, that would never do. So what would I do: let it melt and drink it? No, then it's just chocolate milk, that's no good. I'd stir, and stir and stir with my spoon. I'd get all the chunks out and make it a nice smooth, thick consistency similar to a Whataburger milkshake, which incidentally, you also cannot drink because it's way too stinkin' thick! I would actually pretend to be a chef when I made this snack though, and when I felt it was ready to eat, I would barely stick the tip of my spoon in and I, acting like I thought any good ice cream connoisseur would, took the tiniest taste and then savored it the way Hannibal Lector does when he eats Fava beans and a nice Chianti. If it was mixed right, then voila! Chocolate Soup (To this day, I prefer to eat ice cream this way).

The BLK

Ingredients:
Bread
Bologna
Lettuce
Ketchup

A failed experiment in the early days of Chef Tracey Allen. Created at a family reunion in Gulf Shores, Alabama, it was admittedly not one of my tastiest creations. Still, a creation it is, none the less.

I feel I would be doing a disservice to my odd eating habits if I didn't mention the phase I went through where I ate mustard on biscuits instead of jam or honey. I can't claim this as one of my masterpieces though; I thank Karl from Slingblade for that one.
Photo found at ugo.com


Maybe I'm being too hard on "El Nachito Ice Cream". No one ever tried my eats growing up, either. Am I irreparably scarred forever because of it? Jury's still out. I guess I'll give them I try. Cheese and Cream both come from cows after all. How bad can it be?

Photo found at trade2win.com

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